Talking with my fellow LGBT Christians, a real honest question that effects every person regardless of orientation, race, economical status or religion came up. How do you deal with loneliness. My first thought was my previous post about singleness you can read here.
Then my second thought was “I punch it in the face”. My tongue and cheek response received a few likes and comments on our Facebook page, but I sat back and chewed on it for a bit. How DO I deal with loneliness?
In my experience, I deal with it in one of two ways: horrible indulgence or optimistic resilience. There is no in-between. When I’m feeling lonely, alone, unwanted, invisible, awkward, prickly, forgotten…ect…I either disappear into Netflix and Youtube binges whilst devouring whatever salty carbohydrates fried cheese covered creation I can manage or I get out of my own way and have fun.
Loneliness is less about being alone and more about being discontent with whom you’re with/without. Think about it. I imagine at some point in your life , think a new situation/high school/or meeting someone’s life long friends–you have likely felt lonely in a crowd. You weren’t alone…but you felt alone. Surrounded by others and their happiness and memories, you felt like an outsider and were lonesome.
Then there’s those times when you are alone and feel lonely. We dislike being alone with ourselves. Self talk and silent lies are the most oppressive when there is no one fun and exciting around to distract us from all the ways we’ve disappointed ourselves. We begin to ask questions that have no answers outside of timing. Why are all my friends getting married? (If this were true, you would have no engagements popping up in your newsfeed next year…it’s likely an exaggeration.)
Which leads to: why am I single? Why haven’t I received that promotion? How come I wasn’t invited? Why don’t I have any texts….so on and so on.
The best cure for the loneliness of self loathing is to go out and enjoy something other than the prison of your thoughts. Go to a park and take the best Instagram photo of clouds ever offered to mankind.
Take yourself on a date to a new vegan fusion cafe you’ve been dying to try and snapchat the world how jealous they should be of you.
Sign up for a new class, cooking, dancing, painting, gardening…you won’t meet new people on your couch.
Lastly, write that friend that you miss. Not a text. Not a Facebook message, send them a long email or a long letter telling them about everything and nothing that you miss about them. Talk about the toast you made and how unfortunately seedy the bread was. DO something.
You can thank me later.