“Their guilt is not yours to own.”–me
It can be hard to talk openly about things when people we love are connected to them. We are not responsible for other people’s responses to our own truth. Should we consider how our words and actions with impact others—absolutely! Should we allow those possible impacts, conflicts, bits of discomfort stop us from doing what is in our best interest? NO.
Acknowledge the potential for harm, assess if it is or even should be your responsibility, and act accordingly. My past and all I’ve overcome is an important part of my journey forward and not a reflection of the people who were on the journey with me.
We all have people in our lives that we love and want to protect. There is a difference between protection and enabling. Is it useful to take on someone else’s shame—never.
I struggled with even sharing that I was starting a weight loss journey because I worried that it would harm people in my life who have a lot of rightful trauma around fitness, diet culture, and body image. I decided that my responsibility is to be honest about what my life looks like right now and give my loved ones permission to feel however they feel about it without any hard feelings. Need to unfollow or snooze me for your own well being? DO IT, with my full and enthusiastic blessing.
When I write about childhood trauma and abuse I know it can make family members and loved ones confront feelings and memories they’d rather not feel or deal with. Those are not my burdens to carry. I am responsible for me, my health, my body, my heart, my mind, my growth, my healing.
You are responsible for you, and if you’re keeping a tiny human alive….them too.