Still Gay, Still Christian

It’s been a few years since I came out publicly on social media. I was out in my close relationships and the local community, but I was terrified of losing all credibility in the circles of faith. I was scared of being found out and ultimately cast aside. You can find out about that journey here and here.

Since then, a few things have changed. I am now in a long-term committed relationship with a wonderful woman. We’ve been together for over a year and I’ve never been more at peace with myself or my sexuality.

I’ve had the privilege of mentoring youth and young adults who find themselves in the crossroads of having to choose between the faith of their family and the truth of who they are at the very core of their being.

There is a shift taking place within the church. Many denominations and theologians are reevaluating old proof texts with fresh eyes. More and more conservative-leaning church leaders are landing on the side of inclusion. Q Christian Network and Generous Space Ministries have many resources for anyone open to learn.

This past month I read Vicky Beeching’s Undivided and realized how similar our stories are. The rhetoric of sexuality being a choice or something a person can change (or should change) is damaging and people are literally dying because of it.

Though I’ve not found an affirming church in my remote location, I have found a community of Christians (mostly straight allies) who welcome me, love me, support me, and stand in a posture of defence and protection for those like me. If Jesus’ teaching are life-saving and God’s grace unconditional, then why are so many advocating hate and violence in his name?

I see you. I stand with you. You are not alone.

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Brokenness: LGBT Christian

Broken: adjective

1. reduced to fragments; fragmented.

2. ruptured; torn; fractured.

3. not functioning properly; out of working order.

Broken: no longer part of the whole. Unable, incapable of being complete. Beyond repair.

Broken: forces outside of an object render it torn, threads of it’s being separated by violence.

Broken: as a result of over burden or neglect, an object fails to do what it was designed for.

I have been removed from the whole. Felt beyond repair—broken. Believed I would never, could never be complete. I’ve had people I love, and respect be at odds with where the Spirit stirred me and been violently pulled in two; Gay and Christian, but never both—broken. I have carried a weight that was never meant to be mine, hidden my deepest self from the world (including myself), and been cast out by those who were charged with the duty of my protection. Neglected—broken.

My experience of brokenness in its literal definition has used what first separated me from Christ to draw me closer to Him. “I was broken for you.” Takes on an entirely new meaning to my soul after experiencing my own spiritual destruction. I’ve been trampled on, pushed, bruised, mislabelled, and misrepresented, and so has Jesus.

He never, and I mean never, retaliated against his oppressors and abusers, but neither did he stay silent. His rebellion, after rising from his brokenness, was to deeply love and radically include. He did so regardless of the amount of faith those around him had, and that’s my mission. To deeply love and radically include regardless of a shared faith, ethnicity, orientation, or worldview. I will break the system with my brokenness. He was broken for me, and I was broken for them—they that do not yet see their value.